I received a text this afternoon from a (close---meaning she gets texts from me all the time---and grownup) friend (we'll call her...Cindy) reading, "Who are you?" Baffled, I replied, "NNR. Did you forget me?" Reply? "No. I. Am. Anna." (Not my friend's name.) Seized with curiosity, I replied, "Where is Cindy?" Nothing doing: "I like the game Jailys car" (JellyCar). Hrm. I had a hunch: "Are you Cindy's niece?" Response: "Yes!!!!!!!! I am!!!!!!" Followed by a barrage of short texts reading, eg, "Hlhwo" and "Hi!!!!!!!" Finally annoyed (and seeing the implications of a child with free rein on an iPhone), I wrote, "will you please ask your aunt Cindy to call NNR?" Reply: "I. Am. In. Charge." Foreseeing an afternoon of texts every 10 seconds, I decided to be a little more authoritative: "Tell your aunt Cindy to call me right now." The blond beast wrote, "No. Way." Then, "Home. Alon" and "Say something!!!!"
She finally was swayed by the logic in "Please stop texting me. I have to pay for this, ya know." ("OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!")
Aunt Cindy eventually went looking for her iPhone and noticed the child (a very precocious 5-year-old, as it turns out) acting suspiciously quiet, and the story came out. I received an apology via e-mail, excerpted below:
Drear Ms. NNR. I am sory for not. Gioing. To get my aunt. And. I told u. A lye. I. Was pretending. I was. Like. Home alone like a. Movie. And. I was. Rude to U Nd to the man. From my. Auntee cindy's job .. I have to. Do. time out. But antee cindy was in the Hot. Tub mainly. Your. Frend anna.
Baffled by "the man from aunt Cindy's job," I followed up. The child had also texted an attorney, who gave free sage advice: "Your butt will end up in the slammer" and "You need to find friends your own age (girls only!)."
Kids these days. Honestly. I wouldn't have been able to type all that into a phone when I was 5! This kid acts almost like a teenager. Evidently she texted someone else that she was a better dancer than Snoop Dog, for pete's sake.
Needless to say, I find this unbelievably funny (since it wasn't MY phone). Let it be a lesson to all of us to keep our phones (and children, if applicable) under close supervision!