"Say Nothing"

I normally don’t make fun of my coworkers (online), but this is classic and mainly because it is like something I would do, so it’s OK. Someone I work with was being stalked by Creepy Maintenance Guy, which I actually would have put up with if I were her because he kept bringing her food, and I actually got kind of insulted when I found out he has stalked almost everyone but me. I mean, what’s wrong with me, people? Anyway, I said we should work out some kind of code so when he creepily harassed her I could go rescue her.

We have those horrifying Vocera walkie-talkie gizmos so you can’t talk to anyone else without everyone around them hearing you, so thwarting creepy stalker maintenance guys is more complicated than you might expect because what can you say that doesn’t translate easily into “please come save me from this creepy stalker maintenance guy”? Struck with inspiration, I said, “If you call me and say nothing, THEN I’ll know to come save you!”

Which would have worked except she got flustered and when she called me she said, “NOTHING! NOTHING!” Which probably tipped the guy off.