My friend D just thoughtfully texted me, having previously told me she was on the way to Arizona: "I'm in Salt Lake City airport. Do you need any jacked-up-on-Jesus jewelry?"
Obviously I was immediately intrigued. "Out of sheer curiosity," I wrote, "I'm interested to see what jacked-up-on-Jesus jewelry would even look like."
My curiosity went unassuaged: her next text read, "Sorry, guess I over-promised on the jewelry. Not to disappoint, though, here is a photo of a frog dismembering a yard art flamingo. Note his cousin at left flipping you off."
After admiring this display, I responded, "By the way, Utah is not between Kansas and Arizona." I'm nothing if not helpful.