I had to have oral surgery yesterday: one of the ones where they shave tissue off the roof of your mouth and stitch it to your gum line. I've known this was coming for about 10 years because I have genetically thin gum tissue. I've been dreading it for about that long. I hate dentistry because my body metabolizes -caines at the speed of light, so generally I'm in agony because they shrug and say, "Well, we can't give you any more. You'll have to just bear it." The possibilities for phobia establishment are obvious. This oral surgeon clearly felt sorry for me as I tried not to inch away from her off the chair and offered me nitrous oxide, which I'd never tried before, as a freebie, and I felt I had nothing to lose. I was wrong. It had no discernible effect for pain or anxiolysis and made me immediately break out into a cold sweat and feel that I was about to throw up my toenails.
While I was busy with that she cut a big piece out of the roof of my mouth, and I said, "Aw fehwaoh," and she understood that because dentists do. "If I let you see it, do you promise not to get nauseated?" I said, "Ah ER uh! Ah oo uck id ee?" She said, "Oh, I forgot you are an ER nurse." She held a disturbingly large flap of pink skin out. It bored me. It looked big though.
End result: I have stitches along my lower gum line and one in the roof of my mouth with a sheet of plastic over it to prevent the feeling of my palate having been gone over with a blow torch, but it feels that way anyway so either it isn't working or would be much worse otherwise. One side of my jaw is swollen and bruised.
I spent the entire rest of the day yesterday in the fetal position taking Zofran, putting ice on my face, and moaning. Anesthesia of any kind makes me deathly ill. What the hell. Normal people sail through this stuff, but me? No. The half-life of nitrous is like 5 minutes, so how I could be death-dealingly nauseated all day long is beyond me. Nevertheless. That's how it was.
All I can say is I'm glad I didn't live 100 years ago when they didn't HAVE options for anesthesia. Better to have less agony with nausea than both, because I'm pretty sure people got sick just from the horrifying pain of dental procedures. Ugh.