More or less

This month's schtick is more and less. More or less. More with some stuff, less with others. More? Or Less? There are a hundred directions I could go with this.

I find that more and less become increasingly relative as I get older. The "more" I wanted as a teenager included things like a gorgeous boyfriend and straight A's in college. I got the latter, at least. My goals were pretty short-term, though. By age 28, I had accomplished everything in life I thought I wanted that I had control over (see gorgeous boyfriend, above). I had been running my own business successfully for several years, bought a house, and been to Europe. What else could I possibly want? I became depressed. Life was over.

Now, a decade or so later, my wants are different. I've become successful in another career and been married and divorced. I still have the same house. Which is filled with more crap. I don't take things for granted that I used to, what with a variously really sick parent and with working in an ED for several years. I suppose I could summarize by saying I want more contentment, and the avenues by which I reach it have become immaterial. Previously, I focused on the avenues.

The catch? Contentment is WAY more of a bitch to clasp with my grubby little hands than being good at doing something, or buying something, or attracting the right person's attention. In fact it increasingly seems to me as though it is inversely proportional to my skill at any of those things, or, indeed, to my focusing on them at all.

Typically, I've horribly overthought this. BlogHer probably meant like "get rid of your junk and install more closet organizers." Which gives me another idea...

NaBloPoMo December 2013