My 30-day cleanse/challenge has become more of a challenge. I've fallen down on every goal. But I persist. Despite a lack of perfect adherence to my own goals, my diet and lifestyle have improved markedly since I started this: I think it's just because I'm paying attention.
Unfortunately, I still have no immune system, or perhaps I'm detoxing. I've heard a ton of people say that when they start living healthier their bodies shed toxins and they get sick. Sounds like hokum and twaddle, but having seen the drastic changes in my moods alone, I'm more willing to believe such things.
Anyway, I've been sick all week and miserable with chills and body aches. I just lie around feeling awful and drinking, for some reason, a metric ton of OJ mixed with diet ginger ale. It's all that sounds good. We just had a foot of snow so I'm stuck inside anyway. I have a Capstone student starting tomorrow night, and I'd like to at least APPEAR energetic and excited about my job, so I'm actually being a decent patient, taking Tylenol/Motrin, resting, and drinking a ton of fluids. Except for shoveling snow, which made me hack up a lung. But I live alone, and some things just have to be done.
Eating simpler food has this strange effect where even my mentation trends toward simplicity. Not like stupidity, but I am suddenly just tired of all the complicated bullshit I tend to get involved in. I sit around filled with regret for things I have done and not done, and there is no point in any of it. All I can do, all anyone can do, is start eating foods that promote health and start acting in ways that promote esteem. Can any of us go backward? No.
My point is, I see now, more, why patients have such difficulties changing all the stuff we in healthcare ask them to change. It feels as if one's lifestyle changes are tied to everything about one's lifestyle. If I change the way I eat, does that mean I've been eating wrong? Living wrong? If I consider how I choose my food, do I also have to consider how I choose to behave? In my recent experience, the answer is yes.
It is far more than simple food choices, although that is a big part of it. People making changes for the better might not look like they feel better at first. I don't. I feel like I've been steamrollered. But I'll keep on, and I feel sure that if I keep choosing, one choice a time, to eat a better thing or do a better thing, eventually I will feel healthier and happier. Maybe I will even life without regret. But I won't push it.