Announcing: a 1-month cleanse

I'm inspired my mah girlz who are doing the Whole 30, but I am a vegetarian and disagree with the philosophy of the Whole 30 in general. I am not averse to taking SOMETHING from it, however, and I do like the detox idea and the "eat low on the food chain" idea and "eat simple things" idea and "don't eat processed food and sugar" idea. I can get behind those.

And I've gotten really unhealthy. I drink too much, I eat junk food, and I spend too much time on the couch. I've tried changing one thing at a time because the baby-steps thing is usually all that works for me, but changing one thing at a time isn't doing it. Perhaps a drastic change---with drastic results---is necessary. "It is NOT HARD," say the Whole 30 people. It is for me. Once I form a bad habit, I prefer to stay with it indefinitely, okay?

So here are the "rules" I'm setting for myself. Normally I don't involve "rules" because my inclination is immediately to break them, but the whole point of this is to BE different, so, rules.

  1. Total vegan diet. I've let cheese and eggs back in to my diet and in addition to the animal welfare reasons not to eat them, I don't think they're healthy. For me. I don't want a debate here.
  2. No alcohol. No sugar. No takeout.

That's it. I was going to add a rule that I'd work out three times a week, but I'm guessing that after I feel like ass for a week while I detox the chocolate and pizza and everything else out of my system, I will probably feel like being more active anyway. This 30-day challenge (it WILL BE a challenge, for me) will be limited to things I put in my mouth, or don't. Increased activity will be a bonus.

Big sticking points will be chocolate, Blue Moon, and poached eggs on toast. Eggs are fundamentally disgusting to me, and I don't know how I got hooked on them for breakfast after work, but I did. I think it was when I was trying anything and everything to get my iron up. I imagine I will spend a lot of nights when I'm off work pacing around and craving beer and pizza and Dove caramels. But I also imagine that like all cravings, these, once ignored, will eventually escape.

AND STARBUCKS. I love me some caramel lattes. Oh, Starbucks. Swoon.

Either way, it's on, baby.