Constipation cure not to be found in any book

I had a constipated patient. I've always been nearly judgmental about this in anyone who isn't a noncommunicative completely immobile nursing home patient, because what the hell? You can buy Fleets over the counter. But I say "nearly judgmental" because it seems to be a difficult issue for people, and you can't do a milk-and-molasses bucket enema at home, so whatever. Point being with all of this, I'm pretty used to constipated patients. But this one was a new deal.

First off, he told me an excellent joke.

What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?


He works it out with a pencil.

Followed by

Can I have a pencil?


His next gambit was

I think I'll try singing on the toilet. Sometimes, when I hit the right notes, it knocks it loose.

They don't give medals in nursing for keeping a straight face, but I feel like they should and that I should get one.

FWIW, I don't think the singing worked, but he decided to take some mag citrate and go home, so it, well, all worked out.