I was once sewn to a penis

Which I mention because I've noticed a distinct dichotomy when I mention it. Which is not often, because really, why would I pick that particular weird thing to discuss out of all the crazy things that happen at work? But people react differently.

ER employees: "Did you have to take the drug cocktail?"

Not-ER employees: "WHAT THE FUCK? You got sewn to a PENIS? You're making this up! How does that even happen? And you seem oddly calm about it! OH MY GOD."

Really, the best part of the whole "I got sewn to a penis" story was my boss's follow-up on the incident report the next day.

"So whose penis were you holding? I'm confused. [Pause] I bet other department directors NEVER have to ask that...."