It's good I don't HAVE children. I've been trying to work at home the last 2 days, first to edit some stuff and then to write some stuff.
MY PETS ARE MAKING ME STABBY.
The cat walks around talking constantly, with or without trying to knock coffee everywhere, and the dogs fight and growl and body-check each other. They do this because I'm not paying attention to them. I should clarify that when pit bulls play, it sounds terrifying, and you would swear that they're actually trying to kill each other, but they're totally not, and if you separate them to save a life both dogs will wag their tails and look at you like "what?"
So anyway, maturely, I scream "stop it! Shut up! I will fucking kill you all! You will be dead!"
And then they screech to a terrified stop and start behaving themselves.
No, not really. Not at all.
They keep on until I put the dogs outside, which does not help because they growl and snarl in the mudroom and/or attempt to remove the porch from the back of the house. I assure you, this is a legitimate concern with my dogs. So then I let them back in and kennel one, and the kenneled one then eats the bars on the kennel while the other one whines piteously because I took away her friend. So then I let the caged dog free, and nothing has happened except I've totally lost my train of thought and about a half hour of work time.
This is apparently why God made coffee shops.