I break office supplies

People think I'm kidding when I say I'm not allowed to use the copier, the fax, or the stapler, but I'm serious. I go near them and they break. Our secretaries have banned me. They're more than happy to stop whatever they're doing and staple, scan, or fax my stuff for me (I should mention: I'm allowed to use the MANUAL staplers, if they can be located---just not the automatic ones).

Until recently I was forbidden to attempt to register patients in triage, either. One tech tried to teach me, and I'd mess it up to the point the registration people had to come scratch their heads and say, "How did you even do this?"

I have NINE YEARS of higher education. I am a geek. I can fix complicated computer problems. But a stapler? I just can't use those complicated motherfuckers. I don't get it.