Newspaper picks up that battery occurs

My local paper published this ("Lawrence man, 53, punched by stranger on Massachusetts Street"). THIS IS NOT NEWS.

Almost every night at least one person checks in and says, "I was on Mass Street just drinking a beer and minding my own business when some dude came up and just HIT me!"

Sometimes it's two dudes. But no one EVER knows who hit them. One coworker says, "If I feel like a good ass whuppin, I just go downtown, drink beer, and mind my own business."