Habits Are Hard to Change

That's a friggin' newsflash. A friend once said his are like cows. As soon as one finds a break in the fence, eventually the others are bound to follow.

Mine aren't really in the fence to begin with. I've tried tackling them all at once, which failed, and then doing one thing better each day than the day before, which hasn't failed so much as it isn't enough. It's better than nothing. I move my body in some way each day, I make at least one healthier food choice than I normally would...whatever. I suppose I'm a bit healthier and the house is a bit cleaner, so that's good.

Perhaps it's being an ER nurse. We tend to have two time frames. "Never" or "right fucking now." And two speeds. "Stopped" or "wide open."

I feel basically stopped. I become a thousand-pound statue when made to get out of bed. It is ridiculously difficult for me to do anything. I don't know if I'm depressed or lazy or having a midlife crisis or what, but I won't be sad to see it go.