Positive? It's relative

Coworker told me I was too negative. Which pissed me off because it takes a superhuman amount of effort to get up and go to work and act like I'm not smothering under a black cloud. It takes effort me for me to brush my teeth and eat cereal for god's sake.

This is a fundamental misunderstanding about depression and anxiety. I am not depressed BECAUSE I feel negative. I feel negative because I am depressed. If I were depressed ABOUT something, I would fix it. But the nature of depression is more like, "Why do I not enjoy anything? It sucks to not enjoy anything." Followed by "I'm too tired to enjoy anything anyway."

It's not like having actual issues to deal with. This is shadow-boxing. So no, I can't be positive about my depression, because it's sucking pretty badly. How can I put a positive spin about being unable to be happy when there is absolutely nothing wrong with my life? That would be psychotic.

So if I had more energy I'd be pissed off about the second layer of depression, which is when you realize that just by talking to people you bring them down. Which is totally not awesome. So you stop, and then you feel lonelier, and then you feel like you're not even worth being around even though you did it to yourself.

Yeah, so, before this, I was thinking, "yay me. I am out of bed, clean, fed, and rocking and rolling at work. Like a normal person!" I was ironically feeling positive when accused of being negative.

Depends on your starting line, I guess. I'm way ahead of mine right now. Which, if you've ever BEEN depressed, you will perhaps agree IS positive.