More rules for life

I was bowled over by the awesomeness of the Bloggess's rules for life (here). So I posted them on Facebook. My BFF the FOD (Fairy of Doom) reminded me that we ALREADY have rules for life, so I felt I should add to the "rules for life" circulating today. Here are ours:

  1. Keep your head on the right side of the oven door [meaning "correct"].
  2. Interpersonal violence of any kind is unacceptable.
  3. Anyone with 10 or more televisions is, by definition, unfuckable (NB: the count is understood to include little mobile TVs that some people have in their mini-vans).
  4. If you don't know what it is, don't put it in your mouth.
  5. Never piss off a rhinoceros.
  6. Unstaple your underwear from your pants, and move on.

In the interest of full disclosure, rule 6 came long after the other 5 and was inspired by an incident at work (mine, not hers)---but I probably didn't have to tell you that. Each rule is based on a real-life experience.

Think of all the trouble you could save yourself if only you followed these rules!