Taking stock

I always say if you're tasking and don't have a master plan, you're hosed. Turns out that's the case in life as at work. On the other hand, I've heard if you want to make God laugh, start making plans. I figure if God knows you're a nurse and are aware no plan will go the way you think it will, you might get a pass. I don't have a master plan, but I am making PROGRESS, actual progress, in living in solutions instead of running around like a lunatic thinking "shit is fucked up! Shit is fucked up!"

Shit is, undisputidly, fucked up. (Although, I wonder, at this late date, whether this is not actually just the human condition!)

It's fucked up at home, with my family, at work, with my friends...it's just discouraging. Fortunately, it turns out that if you just wait long enough, a lot of problems just sort themselves out, and that's happening quite a lot. Other things, like my waistline, require a little more direct action.

Therefore, I have launched a full-scale attack on nightshift problems. In every way. I've got a fridge full of food I'll actually eat instead of food I should eat but won't, and I got a pretty nice treadmill off Craigslist to solve the problem of "I would go running, but it's 98 degrees when I wake up at 4pm." Problem, you DEAD. Nightshift problems at work are trickier.

I'm not dissing on my hospital because from what I hear nightshift has the same problems everywhere. People don't like nights so they move off as soon as they're trained. So there is usually short staffing and a lack of experience, sometimes with the addition of low morale for a deadly trifecta. If you think about it for 10 seconds you can see the issue. You're working all. Night. Long. And you don't have the resources at night that the hospital has during the day. You tend to get the racier elements of society as patients. You can't sleep as well during the day (I can, but I'm just saying), and your family is bitter that you aren't there for them (I don't have this problem either right now). You always have green nurses who can't quite pull their own weight, and as soon as they can, they leave. You're always training someone.

To this precarious balance throw in a malcontent and some back-stabbing and you get yourself a mass exodus. I've been here long enought to see a few cycles of this. I've been watching the train wreck coming, waiting to close my eyes at the last second, but then I thought no. I spend a lot of time and effort at this place. I care about it, and I care about having a good team to work with. It makes a difference in my quality of life OUTSIDE work as well as when I'm there, and that's worth some work.

I don't have any answers. Horribly, I've been there the second longest on nightshift, which is a bit bizarre since I just became an RN in 2008, but that's the situation. So although I can't change the world by myself I've been asking people "what would it take to keep you here?" and trying to identify the problems. You can't solve problems until you dig them up.

That's an awful process. I'm doing it at work and personally, and the more you dig the more you find. But I won't be discouraged. Well, I will, but I'll rally. I'm not a spring chicken, but I'm too young to settle for shutting up and living a bitter beaten-down life either at home or at work.

So, those of you who have been pining, PINING, away wondering why I'm not posting much lately, it's because I'm having to much to think.