Crawling out of a hole

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I hit a wall with my cardiac and psych issues. That really takes it out of a person. I always thought SVT was kind of a here today/gone tomorrow thing, but for me it is a big deal. My pounding heart kept me awake all night and eventually resulted in constant anxiety just at a baseline, and the episodes of actual SVT left me feeling like I'd been beaten from head to toe.

It is scary to not know when your heart is just going to take off, leaving you on the floor. Or I also have spent days at a time going in and out of it, puking my guts up. I didn't know that arrhythmias were associated with nausea. It seems like I should have. I was so sick one weekend I thought I had food poisoning at first. That's how ridiculously bad I felt.

I suppose it kind of makes sense. If your heart is beating too fast all the time you'll feel worn out. And mine was rarely less than 120. If it suddenly rockets up to 180, there's not enough blood to your brain or your belly or anywhere, really. It makes me feel like I've just run a marathon; it's just exhausting.

Since my meds were changed I haven't had any cardiac issues (yet). I see the electrophysiologist soon because I don't want to be on massive doses of beta-blockers for the rest of my life. I can't have an ablation until roughly February, though, because my department has brought back presenteeism with a vengeance and I can't miss work until then without disciplinary action. It might be covered under FMLA, but I'm not sure. My fervent hope is that I just go along not having any more issues until I can conveniently have the ablation.

Otherwise, I'm adapting to my psych meds, slowly but surely. Between them and my beta-blocker I am super tired, but I have to keep perspective. Tired? Or passing out all the time and feeling too depressed/anxious to get out of bed most days? I'll take tired, thanks very much.

I just want a stretch of...boring. I don't mind if nothing exciting happens. I just don't want drama. NO DRAMA.