I'm not dead yet

I'm a blog trap of thinking I should have something brilliant to say before I write at all. Not gonna happen. Oh, and I have a new blog troll. This is a weird phenomenon to me. Most trolls write scathing comments to the effect of "you are a pathetic human being with nothing better to do than write about your sad topics." Yet taking the time to write a dozen hateful comments is a good use of life energy? Twits. It's been a long time since I had a troll who even wrote anything amusing. I'll publish hate if it's well written and inventive, but this half-baked peasant scratching of late is just boring.

It's been 7 weeks since I started my anxiety/depression medications, and I feel as if I've somehow both walked out of a cave into a different life and also returned to a long-forgotten self. Which is a little jarring. So my summary there is that I never waited long enough before for psych meds to work, even though it says right in the patient information that it can take a good 6 weeks to see effects, and that despite my lifelong nose-thumbing at psych meds, some of us just might need the things.

For one thing, I'm awake a lot more. I used to sleep all the time and blame it on night shift. In fact I just wanted to sleep all the time. I do unusual things like buy new clothes for the first time in years, and I got a drastically changed haircut plus new glasses. And wear makeup sometimes. These are things normal people do, but I've spent at least 10 years in a ponytail with no makeup and in jeans and hoodies.

I wanted a kinda spiky/punky/pixie haircut and needed new glasses, so I got both!

I wanted a kinda spiky/punky/pixie haircut and needed new glasses, so I got both!

And speaking of glasses, this is a life changer: YOU CAN BUY THEM ONLINE FOR CHEAP. I have always worn glasses for years because they cost hundreds of dollars, and it pissed me off because they're freaking plastic. Turns out that armed with a current prescription and a measurement called the PD (pupillary distance), which the ophthalmologist can give you, you can order glasses for like $30 at places like Zenni and Coastal. I ordered two more pairs (one of which is black with white skulls on the temple sidebars...how could I NOT?), still for a quarter of the price of one pair even from a cheap retailer like Target.

I'm going to see the electrophysiologist Thursday to get started on this whole cardiac ablation thing. My new director, as luck would have it, used to do interventional cardiology and answered my questions in depth, so I feel a lot less afraid. I quit drinking alcohol completely in July because they said alcohol was causing the SVT. It wasn't. I still have gone into it since then. But I've lost 15 pounds and feel better, so I see no compelling reason to drink nevertheless.

Nursing stuff? SSDD. A new cycle is starting where now that we have new nurses trained, they're moving to other shifts and leaving us with a shift of new nurses and new grads and not enough of either. We're all exhausted after every shift because there is too much to do and either not enough bodies or not enough experience, or both, to do it well. Morale, which was already on the skids, is now on greased skids. None of which is new or particularly unusual for nightshift anywhere. I'm not drafted to it. I could leave. So far, I don't want to, but I wish our differentials would be a BIT more competitive to make up for all of this. Pretty much everyone in healthcare is pissed off about something, it seems. Except patients. They're being waited on hand and foot so they're satisfied and ensuring better reimbursement.

The pit bulls are giant and frisky with the new fall weather. And by "frisky" I mean they shake the house by body-slamming each other and create even deeper craters in the back yard, where I haven't ventured for a while. I can't bear it. But they don't destroy anything INSIDE the house, so there's that.

I'm happy fall is here. It's always been my favorite season. Tomorrow I'm going to get out my sweaters and boots and go through the "which jeans fit this year" ritual. Life is fairly good.