The Bloggess has been posting HYSTERICAL mortifying stories (here and more). My favorite one is both too long to tweet and not about me, although certainly if I put a little thought into it I can come up with plenty of really dumb things I've done.
This one is about my friend S who was sleeping over. She starting shrieking in the middle of the night: "FIRE! RAPE! CALL 911!" I called 911.
Turns out she'd been sleeping on her arm, all curled up in bed. Said arm had fallen totally asleep and the sleeping hand was touching her face.