Most ridiculous patient tantrum award

For no obvious reason, I found myself reflecting earlier on the ridiculous things my patients have thrown fits about over the years. I am a pretty good fit thrower myself, so mostly I appreciate a good tantrum if there's ANY sense behind it. But this one was a pail of fail.

Our bracelets had the usual stuff on them: name, birthdate, MRN, and so on. They also used to have the family doctor's name, as in PCP: Dr. Imadoc.

I walked into the room and handed this patient a urine cup (I can't remember why he was there, but I do know I did NOT have that sense of "this is going to be a big pain"). "Can you pee?" I asked. Most people realize that this is a common thing and grasp the concept that they need to just find a bathroom and get 'er done. Not him.

"You don't need my pee! You already decided what's wrong with me!"

"What?"

"Don't act like a dumb blond. It says right on my bracelet that I do drugs."

"What?" (I don't get any accolades for good comebacks in this conversation.)

"It says RIGHT HERE. PCP."

I can't remember what I did or what the outcome was. But you have to admit: that's a pretty funny fit.

Related, on the topic of misunderstood ER paperwork: another guy was reading his discharge paperwork, a rarity, I know, and asked, "Who's Ed?"

"What?" (No accolades here either.)

"It says 'Return to ED if symptoms continue.'"

"Um...ah...HAHAHAHA...ED means 'emergency department.' Come back if you aren't better."

"Oh, OK."

Return to Ed. Hee. Hehehehehehe.